woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
