maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
