um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
