is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
