I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
