I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
