Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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