somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
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It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
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I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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