he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
