i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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