well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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