I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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