I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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