so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
