someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
