I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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