break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
