No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
