you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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