she was so not down for the gang bang
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
