so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
