I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
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Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
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I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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