Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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