new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We left an ass print on the piano.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
