i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
