I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I think i got beer on your cat.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
