My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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