the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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