Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
