I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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