I wanna bring you to show and tell
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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