Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
