my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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