There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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