i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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