he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
