Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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