I want to walk on stilts...naked
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
