its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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