i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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