I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
