i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Randomize
