it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
