i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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