If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My ATM looks so different sober.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
True strength comes from lack of pants
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
