Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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