unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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