the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
