Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
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Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk