We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia