Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.