Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."