Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.