At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
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Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
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I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.