in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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