You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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