Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
