I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
