On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize