someone threw a dead crab at me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
