2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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