I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Randomize
