So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
