my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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