So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
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I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
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we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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